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Teen aggression and arguments - Moodzone Secondary navigation Common problems I feel really down I'm so stressed I feel anxious and panicky I often feel angry I think I have the winter blues I'm worried someone is depressed I'm worried my child might be depressed I think I'm having panic attacks Mood self assessment. Low mood and depression How to feel happier Beating the winter blues Tips for coping with depression Exercise for depression Mental health issues if you're gay, lesbian or bisexual Raising low self-esteem Going to work after mental health issues Student mental health.

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Coping with your teenager Teen aggression and arguments Worried about your teenager? Talking to children about feelings Talking to your teenager. Unhelpful thinking Sleep problems Anxiety control Depression Low confidence.

Listen to all the mental wellbeing audio guides. This page covers: How to defuse arguments with your teen How to deal with violent behaviour Concerned about mental health issues? How to deal with violent behaviour Sometimes, teen aggression can turn into violence. Family Lives offer this advice for coping with, and helping, a violent teen: give them space — once they have calmed down, you may want to talk to them about what has happened and suggest that they let you find them some help be clear — teenagers need to know that you will stand by the boundaries you set.

Speak to your GP or their school about what help is available. It is important to keep in mind that no child wants to behave in this way, frighten the people they love but it may have got out of control and they may be struggling on how to manage their feelings.

Adolescent Injuries, Aggression and Violence — Vikaspedia

We tried being strong disciplinarians but it just made matters worse. Her behaviour deteriorated to aggression, violence, rudeness and self-harming. We eventually found out that serious bullying was going on, and she was bullying and playing truant to keep on their good side. When we got nowhere with the school we pulled her out and decided to home school. We have learned how to deal with her outbursts of misbehaviour and continue to listen to her and support her. She is now in a new school studying for GCSEs and enjoying it and her friends.

It was tough but you must never give up on your child even if they say they hate you. That doesn't mean you have to be a pushover, remain firm and consistent in your rules and boundaries but equally consistent with your love and support. If you are experiencing violence from your teen, it may be hard to admit that there is a problem, but if your teenager is hitting you, then this is domestic abuse. You deserve to feel safe in your own home and family life. Look after yourself - This is vital to cope with the anger and aggression from your teen.

You probably feel exhausted, demoralised and are likely to be making huge efforts to get a tiny amount of control. This is not your fault - No parent can avoid making mistakes, life itself is an imperfect process full of disappointments, and difficulties and children need to be able to cope with these.

Teenage Aggression and Media Violence

Once you are aware of them, you can give the support and help to address their fears and worries. Separate the behaviour from your teen — You can still love your teen but not like their behaviour. It is not a package and it is important to try to view the behaviour as a stand-alone issue. Repeating this, and being consistent in using it, works. Avoid using language that blames and is negative.

Think about what you are saying and how you are saying it, such as the tone, etc. If it is not addressed, the violence could increase and become a life-long pattern; help them break the pattern.

Why do teens act the way they do?

Keep yourself safe — This is so important and ensure you and other members of the family are safe. If you can spot the signs of the conflict turning into violence, have a safety plan for those times.

Normative Aggression and Violence

Try to go to a place of safety while you decide what to do next. Call the police if you need to. Calling the police - You may feel reluctant to call in the police as you may not want your child to get into serious trouble or for other reasons. The police have been working with many families on adolescent to parent violence and abuse and understand the impact.


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If you are in fear for your safety or you are feeling threatened it is ok to call the police to help diffuse the situation and for you to feel safe. Redress the balance - Often the only attention you will be giving your teen is in response to negative behaviour. If you feel able to, find moments where you can show your appreciation when they are doing well.

Be aware of your own responses and reactions to conflict - You might be inflaming the situation without meaning to, for example, by shouting or responding back with aggression. Keep yourself calm. Leave the room for a while if you need to. Respond rather than react. A gentle look, a kind touch can convey this without hostility and before trying to talk about what is wrong. Try to find the root of the anger -. They are not excuses but may be reasons for it. Talking through the pressures, listening to your teen attentively, without judging, interrupting or directing them can help them to offload their feelings and release the pressure constructively.

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Help them develop self-strategies — Helping your teen to understand the triggers and what to do when they are angry is crucial to help them overcome this. When things are calm, have a chat and find out what they think would work for them. It may be a case of trial and error but it is good to help them manage their emotions and find a different outlet for their angry feelings. They might want to use calming down strategies for their anger or an alternative option is meditation to help them quieten down their mind.

Let them know that you are there for them. Once they have calmed down, you may be able to talk to them about what has happened and suggest they let you find them some help. If you are hitting your teenager in response, then you are giving them the message that it is OK to use violence to solve disagreements. By avoiding using violence, you are setting a positive example of what you find acceptable. Get support for yourself - Know what support you need, and pick and mix from your friends and relatives to get the best fit that you can.

Contact supports services such as our helpline on for support and advice. You can choose a quiet moment, preferably one on one, to find out what is the route of their frustration and aggression. Listen to your teen and try to see their point of view. Even if you only see it slightly, let them know, instead of just disagreeing with everything. When your teen trusts that you can hear their views, they may be more likely to talk calmly instead of shouting. Try to resolve the argument with a compromise, or at least show that you have understood where their emotions are coming from.

see If the situation becomes too heated and you are finding it difficult to stay calm, walk away. Avoid blame, and let your teen know that you will be able to talk to them again when you have calmed down. It might be difficult for them to realise they have an issue and accept help. You could ask their school or college to support them so it might be worth involving the head of year or college wellbeing advisor. Make an appointment with your GP and try to get a referral to your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services CAMHS as they will be able to give your child counselling or therapy to help them manage their feelings.